Last Updated: June 17, 2020
Johannes Manningfield
(Johnny)
Warmth enveloped me the moment I entered the bedchamber. Yellow and orange flames leapt and crackled in the fireplace, and Natalie, in a beige morning dress, stood looking out one of a trio of side by side windows.
"Where is he?" she asked, turning from the window.
"In the capable hands of Dimitri," I replied as I crossed the room to her side then looked out at the garden below buried in overnight snow.
"When are you going to introduce us?"
"You don't need me." I had no interest in picking over the bones of the past. Didn't want to think about how close Arlin and I had been. Nor did I wish to relive the occasion of our estrangement.
"I had Samuel prepare a fire in the parlor. Your brother must be frozen through."
"A few drinks and he'll be fine."
"I want to meet him. You're supposed to introduce us."
I said nothing.
"You can't avoid Arlin. Not with him living here."
"Am I to be subjected to your authority?"
"I've been taking the brunt of your frustrations since Dimitri approached you about him. It would be easier on my insides if you'd just settle whatever's between you."
I rested my gaze on her. "Spare me your opinion on matters for which you have no understanding."
"What I know is that last night I heard you—"
"You heard me what?" my voice echoed off the walls.
She flinched and stepped back.
"I asked 'what did you hear'?"
"It's just that . . . you sounded distressed."
Natalie was the last person I ever wanted to share my feelings with, and she had spied on me.
"I was in the parlor with the door closed, and you just happened to hear me all the way from here?"
"Can't I have some affection for you without you suspecting an ulterior motive?"
"And you weren't trying to catch me in the arms of a servant?"
"That of a particular servant, you mean?"
"Or perhaps you were expecting to find Dimitri?"
"We've been down this path. You're trying to avoid talking about Arlin."
"And still you insist on bringing him up."
"Because I've been waiting years to meet him, to see how much alike you are."
"And if I tell you we're nothing alike, will that quench your curiosity?"
"I wouldn't believe you."
I walked to the wing chair beside the bed and sat, watching her approach then stop before me.
"How can twins not have similarities?"
"What do you really want to know? Whether he is as well-endowed as me?"
"Don't be lewd."
Or perhaps, if he is all the things I am not?"
"You're picking a fight."
"Want to replace me with him?
"Cut it out, Johannes."
"Dimitri not all you'd hoped for?"
She reached out to slap me, but I caught her wrist inches from my face.
"You do not want to do that," I warned, knowing she was unwittingly pushing all the wrong buttons, the ones that caused me to squeeze her wrist tight until her face winced in pain and her eyes teared. The more she fought to wrench free of my grip, the more desirous of her I became. I never wanted her any other way. I didn't really want her at all. "It will be best for both of us if you learn when to let a subject drop."
I pushed her away and smiled as she rushed from the room. To Dimitri, I'd wager. How she'd love for him to console her and make me look bad in front of Arlin.
There came a timid knock on the open door.
Samuel stood in the doorway in his new navy and gray livery.
"What is it?"
"Mr. Dimitri said he and Mr. Arlin is heading to the parlor in a few minutes and would you and Missus Manningfield meet them?"
"Tell him I'll be there."
He left and I leaned forward in the chair and cradled my face in my palms. It was folly allowing Arlin into my home. The last thing I wanted was to give him hope that I'd forgive him and let him back in my good graces. He didn't deserve forgiveness.
